au revoir

 i'm so glad i met you, even in the shortest time, even when you're from a far away land, i'm glad i was your friend, my late night person to speak with, my lullaby singer, a comforter, the one who told me i am not meaningless. 

and yes, i'm letting you go, goodbye. you made me happy and i know at some point i do made you happy too, but i have to let go to make myself whole again, to lessen my burdens, to stop overthinking, to refrain from my what if's, so that i can no longer tell myself that i'm just some doubter and that my emotions weren't valid because i always think of you as a good one... but truth is, i felt you were never sure about me, you just gave me butterflies sometimes but you left me hanging everytime. it isn't your fault, but mine, i should have seen it, i should have realized it first, i shouldn't have continued the conversations, the late nights, i shouldn't have waited for you, i shouldn't have made expectations... i shouldn't have let you be close to me. 

still, i'm grateful for you, but it's all that we are, we are just some lonely people that found each other but will never bound to meet. sorry for everything. 

i am not the one for you, you are not the one for me.

sometimes, i think, that maybe, if you just gave me the assurance, that you will somehow want me for a long time, that i am worth your time, and that if you did not make your responses a dead-end topic, i should have think of myself special.

but damn my expectations and my feelings and my need for assurance, i am clearly just not the one you want. i made a fool of myself, it wasn't all your fault but mine. it is clear that it's all my fault. i am very sorry.

so for the last time, good bye.

i wish you all the best, have a good good life.